i am going to take myself out of my present state of being (happy) and put myself into my sydney mood, so we have a sydneyish blog.

my life is a hole.
like, a hole.
im gunna change some names here.

bruce, you suck black cock. get the fuck off brians case and let him be.
brian, you annoy the crap out of me, but your kinda cute. but seriusly, just shut the fuck up. still love you.
Kelsie, please, please beleive in me. and SUPPORT me. you always said you would. but your not, and i feel like a joke when you bring up the topic. cant i just be myself? instead of everything you want me to be? its funny, because you are covered in all this bullshit about letting me be whoever i want, and letting me do whatever i want so i could be myself. bullcrap about you not having any expectations. BULLSHIT. you know, id rather you voice your expectations so i would at least SOME chance of doing something right. i hate how you give me TINY snippets of what you want. as if youll accept me as i am. AS FUCKING IF.
Skye, you are TOO sweet. and i mean actually TOO sweet. and as if ill ever tell you that. and as if i want to hear your crap. shut up, you already know your perfect.
Leonie, help me.
Lexie, you have everything i want. and you cant even see that. you cant see how lucky you are to have what you have.
Gunn, come back to being mine.
Rainier, i havnt heard your arguing in a while.. does this mean im not such an asshole anymore..or youve gotten over me? either way, brilliant.
Zara, what would you say? would you look at me that way? would you say "i know its not easy" or would you shake your head and say "this will not do". i promise ill write to you.
Billie, i miss you alot, and i wish i was still you.



i think the only obvious ones are kelsie and rainier... i hope.

hope.

what an odd word.
what an odd meaning.

dream catch me when i fall or else i wont come back at all

THAT song.

what are the chances?
that song was my explanation for a while there.

theres a place I go when Im alone
Do anything I want be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And i cannot believe im falling

for me, it wasnt about being free when your falling in love.
for me, it was more about being finally free on my own,
being my own self, and when i saw us, i saw myself falling.


























that song also used to make me cry

love me love me say that you love me fool me fool me go on and fool me

ive fallen in love with something that could be very very dangerous to me.
and its not scott.
thats right, im calling it a think.
because it is a thing.


a very beautiful thing.
a very lovely thing.
a very obsessive thing.

a thing i am now in love with.

i dont think you understand.

im strange and im happy about it :)

3>

^ some might see a heart with the characters the wrong way around, but i see a mouth licking an arse. ^

airport madness

when im kinda verging on REALLY tired, i get into this mood.

i feel wise and beautiful.

and i like this feeling :)

hey boy wont you take me out tonight im not afraid of all the reasons we shouldnt try

lachy.
how we used to be when everyone hated him and didnt want us to be together but i still loved him.

dont you love it when you find a song that is EXACTLY how you feel?

religion conversations

my uncle started it.
mum fueled it.
life stopped it.

thankyou life :)

dont you hate it when you hate yourself but other people love you so you cant have a conversation with them about how much of a stupid person you are?

i really only post teh most skimpy of posts nowadays. like the fact that im hungry. like...w.tf

i think its because im scared to come to terms with my emotions..to have to....write about them

becausse i am just far happier putting all emotion away in littel glass jars in the back of my mind. its just easier.

because if i start writing i wont stop.

which is kinda the point of a blog, but you know. whatever. ill do what i want.

love.

im hungry. MLIA.

╔╦╦╦═╦╗╔═╦═╦══╦═╗
║║║║╩╣╚╣═╣║║║║║╩╣
╚══╩═╩═╩═╩═╩╩╩╩═╝


if only all welcomes were that bold.

My life is in fuckin chapters man.

love you.

 

i kinda feel unsafe blogging.

Everyone i knew was waiting on a cue
to turn and run when all i needed was the truth

"I'm trying to sell a business and ive got these two running around"

aka

Selling business= Positive
Children (healthy, playing, not fighting for once) = Negative

WHY IS IT NOT

"I've got these two running around and im trying to sell a business"

aka

Children (healthy, playing, not fighting for once) = Positive
Selling business= Negative

i really feel like sticking a pin through my nose.

the lachlan, as you would call him.

the lachlan, im kindof missing you.

im just sitting here thinking about god, not doing much else.

really.

but i miss you.

sure your a narcissistic sexist racist sac religious ass, but at times you got it.

i could just say whatever, and youd think i was weird, but at least i could say it.

and you were never supportive, but your atheism went on hold for a few moments to let me explain.. then straight back to saying why i was wrong.

but still, we both know i altered you.. you admitted to it before.

you know beleive a few things you didnt before

you kindof see things differently

not much, but a tiny bit.


i only ditched you coz there was more bad than good.

but i only did it because i failed to see how good the good was.

whats better, quantity or quality?
quality i think.

but there was so little good, im not sure if the quality of the good can outdo the quantity of the bad.

i mean, your pretty nasty when you want to be.

you insulted all my friends.

you insulted my beleifs, morals, and faith.

you made fun of me, to my face and behind my back.

you made me cry..more than a few times.

..but i still think you're okay.



point of story, your being missed. and i wish we could be friends, because i dont hate you, but you hate me.

i jsut want someone to tell.

Today, 8th December 2009, i realized just how little i mean to the world.