another nobody to add to my collection

so, lets think.

we had mr technology.

then it was mr i-want-sex

then it was mr bitch

then it was mr youre-pissed-at-me-so-i-break-up-with-you

how brilliant.
NOT ONE OF MY RELATIONSHIPS I HAVE EVER BEEN TRULY HAPPY.
I DIDNT LIKE TROY, I LUSTED AFTER HIM
I ONLY WENT OUT WITH LACHY BECAUSE I SAW POTENTIAL, NOT BECAUSE I LIKED HIM
I HAD NO CONTROL OVER WHETHER I WENT OUT WITH SCOTT OR NOT, NEVER WAS I GIVEN A CHOICE

mr technology was the only one that even came close to working. but that was so long ago it hardly counts.

and now what am i left with?
a collection of broken relationships that never ever worked properly. left with no happy memories, only ones of all the times ive been too scared to break it off, praying that if i stuck with it for long enough, id like the guy.

ive just had a bunch of failed relationships.

i never had a guy i could call my best friend as well as a boyfriend.
i never had a guy i could trust.
i never had a guy that knew me, properly.

i never had that guy. and i probably wont for a while.

as that song went, "the winner takes it all. the loser standing small. beside the victory. thats her destiny."

what if that IS my destiny? to stand beside the victory? to watch as everyone else has nice relationships? and i just stand there, small, alone?

will i always be alone?

when will i have THAT guy, that guy where i feel with him even when im not? when i never feel alone? when i actually feel LOVED?

another question i have is, why me?

lily has been SO happy with the guys shes been with.
SO happy.
shes had three amazing guys that shes absoloutely adored.
dont deny it.
ive seen it.

and ive had none.
absoloutely none.