3rd post in one day, im on a roll

hey

so my last post was a bit philosophical... yeah..

anyway this is my problem.. and hello to lily who is probably reading this

i love my boyfriend, like alot, and ive decided to screw the theres no true love thing because i have realised you can love someone the same way you love chocolate.

so i love him, but im really worried that we wont work. like i want us to and all, and i really like him, but what if it doesnt? i usually find talking on the phone awkward, but with him it wasnt, so why am i so scared to pick up the phone and say hi? im worried hell be busy or not want to talk to me or have better things to do etc etc

so we usually talk over fb chat. and that works really well, except when im left feeling like the massivest dork in the work constantly refreshing my page to see if he is online. which he is not today. i want him to be. i want to talk to him about things like the fact i dyed my jeans and his sister gave me weird looks. i want him to occaisionally slip in a little romantic thing and i want to pretend not to pick up on it but secretly want to kiss him through the internet..like we usually do. he is the sweetest and funniest guy i know and i really do like him. i just feel retarded that its surviving on facebook. for instance what if facebook crashed?

thats another thing, were pretty awkward in person. we both hide behind our computer screens a bit and i like that but i want him to hold my hand like i know he would if he could hide behind electronics. i want him to kiss me, not make out, but kiss me. i want him to just know when somethings wrong, so i dont have to give off the hints like i usually do for other stuff. jeez i sound like a brat i want i want i want blah blah blah..

i want him to call me so i dont feel so dependant on the internet

i want him to know i have an exam tomorrow and to wish me luck

i want him to tell me goodnight

then i want him to hang up so i dont have to..so i dont have to dissconnect him from me



am i becoming to dependant? i mean weve only been going out for a bit more than a week, but i feel like i like this person






i really want to tell him everything. but i know i cant. just yet. i know i can tell him later, because if all fails and it gets out im leaving anyway so who cares.

i want him to know what im going through. i want him to know why ill need him on monday.

i want him to text me at 2.45 to say be stong. i want him to call me at 4.20 to say how are you.

but im not sure if it will happen. i know it wont. theres no way he could know and id be to embarrassed to ever ever ask for something like that

i want to tell him everything. absoloutely everything. i might tell him next monday.