i can be bothered now.

Actually no, i will write, before i forget.

i dont love you

i dont even like you that much

yet i keep on going

i was having a good day

feeling like a child

with my face painted and balloon in hand

until you came

and everything went downhill from there.

no hello

no hug

jesus a kiss would never have happened

you ignored me the whole day

and when i asked you about it that night

you said "because i was with friends

i didnt want to be all over you

i just wanted to chill"

chill my ass

and i noticed.

i noticed when you finally did put your arm around my waist,

forced to of course

you would never do it yourself

but i noticed, how you got your hands away from me as soon

as soon as your brother rounded the corner

like you were ashamed of me

like you didnt want to be seen with me

im your girlfriend you idiot

you absoloute idiot

and all you had to say that night was bitching about other people

you didnt even apologise.

you thought nothing was wrong.

i am trying to be good by you

i put myself out there and called you

usually im too scared.

but i did it, and we talked

until you said you wanted to go to bed

what? is it undone in your world to speak on the phone under the covers until the early hours?

thats what i wanted.

but no.

with a swift goodbye you hung up

no i love you

no goodnight

no nothing.

and it kinda made me feel bad

like i wasnt worth much to you

and i am wondering, why do you keep me?

you clearly dont like my inside, or you would have kept talking

you clearly dont like my outside, if you didnt want to be associated with me.

but lets take it back a step, at the park.

i came back for you, so you wouldnt get lost.

we walked to the park together.

that was your chance to say something.

everyone had been saying stuff all morning about how weird you were being.

you didnt notice.

so, the park.

when everyone was having fun,

i secretly wanted to die.

and you wonder why i kissed lily *on the lips*

and refused you.

wonder all you like sweet boy.

but when i sat down at the park

and you asked why i was sad,

i laughed and said what? im happy as can be

and smiled.

that stupid smile that let you off the hook of caring what was wrong.

and when i lay down you lay with me.

for a split second.

you didnt even notice when i was crying and my facepaint was smudging.

or if you did notice how upset i was, you didnt care to ask.

much less comfort or hug me.

and then

the worst

all day

when i was crying,

you

literally

just



walked



away.

without a goodbye, you walked away from a wreck on the floor that slightly resembled me

you actually walked away.